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im screwed.

dont tell me im not. and that i can do it. or any crap along that line. let me tell you why im screwed.

1. i only started revising last sat. and my tests are next tue wed, and thur. to date i haven even finish one subject yet. and i think i need another two more days to finish one subject. and i have 7. waa haa. im dead.

2. my piano exam clashes with my junior kayaking race. mr y is gonna love me. firstly, i missed my db race last nov cause of my theory exam. i was pacer for my boat la. and from what i heard they screwed up quite badly. then i went to taiwan to visit my dad. in other words : ON HOLIDAY. mr y freaked. totally. cause i missed my round ubin race too, in which he considers the most important race of the year. and now.. i m supposed to race in k2. for junior kayaking. haha. so in other words my partner cant race too. ha. im so screwed.


ive met many amazing people in this life, (although ive only been around for 16 years), and you are one of them. thank you. :))

somehow i get this feeling that many of us (my classmates) will be very amazing people in future. i can see some of them in these positions: professors, scientists, doctors, lawyers.. and where will i be? i have no idea.

we had some 'get to know each other game' in class during civics on fri. and there was this qn about my biggest dream.
my biggest dream is to have a solo performance at the esplanade.
haha. big dream.


haven updated for a week! whoa that shows how busy im nowadays.
this weekend is reserved solely for mugging.
uh oh. i shouldnt be online right now..
roadrun feels like weeks ago somehow.
i feel like im growing fatter! argh.

so many things coming up!
in a weeks' time : assessment week. i am so dead. after todays revision i realised i haven really been paying much attention in class.

march hols:
canoeing camp
MR500 race. in my beloved k1. oh i just love it.

1st april : PIANO EXAM!!

11th to 13th april: NATIONAL SCHOOLS B DIVISION CANOEING CHAMPIONSHIPS
aww.


ROAD RUN TODAY. 3.6km.

the following is an account of my run today. for my own records. its gonna be boring so anyone reading this just skip the whole chunk. :)

it was one of those days where emotions ran high. ran with dearest jo today!! we came in 5th/6th in the ip cohort.. which has around 180 girls. crossed the finish line together with a timing of 17.35min. I LOVE YOU JO!! I WOULDNT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!! really. was only aiming for top 10. we both started really fast. i was like thinking, "oh shit if we keep this up im gonna be dead before i reach the finishing line." haha. then i was thinking like "heck la just run until i gonna die then ask jo go first".

then we just kept running, and running, and running. by the time i turned the bend i was gonna die already.. my lungs felt like they were gonna burst any moment. the stretch from nanyang to nj was the worst. i felt like i couldnt move anymore.. and i was seriously contemplating the thought of walking.. but it was just so near. and besides im sure jo would stop for me. crystal was just so near in front of us! i really really wanted to overtake but i just couldnt do it. when we passed njs gate i was kind of wishing that it would miraculously open. ran into the driveway which was another 200 metres in front (when you are dying every step feels like shit and 200 metres is alot of shit) then turned left into nj and the senior guys were there! they cheered us on! it really helped alot but i really couldnt sprint anymore.. jo mistook the ending point and she stopped like 10 metres away from it!! haha.. i had to go "jo run!" then she started running.. haha. too tired blur already. and we crossed the finish line together!! that was the most significant event of the whole run! i wanted to scream "jo we did it!" but i really had no energy to do it. but since i was nearer to the girl giving out the chips i was labelled 5th and she 6th.
aww jo.. hugged her real hard when we finished. :)

tribute to jo:
thank you for running with me today. thank you for pushing me really hard today. i dont think i have ever run this fast before. :) thank you for encouraging me all the way. Thank you for not running off and staying with me all the way. and lastly, thank you for crossing the finishing line with me!! this run really brought us closer together and i feel bonded to you somehow! Haha. im really glad i ran with you today! haha we would be 8th in jc category. not bad huh. :)

to nat:
woman you rock!! you really improved alot and im really proud of you!

to cherry:
hey dear we made it top 10!! all nj ip2 canoeists made it top ten!! yay!

to sf:
i couldnt even see your butt. you fast girl. haha.

alot of our canoeing juniors did well too. so proud of them! and the rest of the team as well.

freaking pissed with him. wa lao. whats wrong with him la. we are the elite and we take shortcut and we are only in nj cause we are talented and smart.. and we have better facilities and that we should contribute more to the school and that ip students have bad attitude and we are arrogant and we think that we are special and above everyone else.. WALAO. WHAT CRAP. we wouldnt be in nj if we didnt work hard.

went out with mich and the trackers after that. keen n fy joined us. took neos! haha


ran 2.4 km for pe today. timing 1206. ARGH. i wanna run under 12!! haha.

i realised that this past month has changed my relationships with people alot alot alot. ive gotten alot closer to some ppl and drifted very much apart from some. i used to have so much to talk about to some ppl but now i dont know what to say to them. ha. how quickly things can change.

Happy Valentine's Day.


i like frogs. the cute ones. not the slimy kind. hmm but then again all frogs are slimy. arent they?


one day im gonna drop dead and die.

and when i do, how many people are actually gonna be really affected by it?
ha. i dont know.


some very important things are going to be resolved tomorrow. some people will cry. its gonna be tense. but i think its time we face up to reality. its time we do something about the situation. i cant take it any longer.

whoa i sound suicidal. HA. im not.


im so sick of everything. i feel as if i cant handle it anymore. studies, canoeing, art, music.. everything is piling on me. i want a break. a one year break. where i will be able to do other things that i like. ha. thats so not possible.

people.. the society in general expects so much from me. its this unspoken rule.. this silent pressure thats the real killer.

njc? integrated programme? wow you must be a smart ass. and in order to live up to that 'smart ass' title i really have to aim to be it. canoeist? whoa you must be very fit. and so i MUST be very fit. you take art? cool draw something. me: what? ppl: anything. how the hell do you draw anything?! ppl just assume that you can draw absolutely anything.. and it must turn out looking FABULOUS somehow. and music. i hate it when ppl ask me to play ANYTHING. so what if i pass my associate? when ppl hear the word diploma they set this certain standard.. this certain expectation in which im suppose to meet. and its very draining you know.. very draining to balance everything and be GOOD at them. haiz i dont know.. i feel like quitting.

saying byebye to everything.

thats just a dream.


something very funny happened today.

LA lesson
projector was on. ms k setting up her laptop.

me: sian. i dont mind staring at the caterpillar on the screen for the whole LA lesson.
ernest: that's a lady bug.
-silence for 5 seconds-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

HAHAHA. i cant believe i said that!! :))


have you ever had a whole lot of friends, but you still feel empty inside?
have you ever been surrounded by a whole lot of people, but still feel lonely?
have you ever had lots of close friends, but no one to talk to?
i have.

during man and ideas today, we suddenly talked about what languages each of us could speak for our presentation. zinc said that i could speak japanese and mich was so shocked. and shes one of my close friends, part of my clique. and she didnt even know i learnt japanese for two years. i dont know much about her either.

so close, yet so far.

somebody talk to me.


had maths test today. was surprisingly ok. dont think im gonna fail that is. hmm. as of now the only subjects that i will fail is chem. and might fail is hydrosphere. so thats pretty ok for now. i have totally no idea what my dear chem teacher is talking about in class. though he tries very hard. and i try very hard too.

and my geog teacher has taken a liking to calling me and ernest
THOSE TWO IN THE MIDDLE.
like what the hell. she called us that 3 times and finally asked us
WHATS YOUR PROBLEM?
what's yours? fine. we were laughing like mad in class but we were trying to stop. can't you at least learn our names? and she addresses the rest of the class as 'those three at the back' blah blah.

quotes from ak today:
This is the first time i had to scold you all.
What is wrong with you guys?
Are you all tired?
Are you all stressed?
I may be the most boring teacher...etc
-rolled eyes-

but at least she didnt ask whats our problem. uh oh. i found somebody worse.

met sam on the bus today. i told her that im turning into a full-time canoeist.
she said i WAS ALREADY a full-time canoeist.
maybe its true.

you know the difference between canoeing and piano? i want to train. but i dread trainings. piano? I want to play. and i love to do it.

had tuition today. my teacher told me that he believes i should aim for distinctions for my maths modules.
i told him that i aim nothing less than distinctions for most aspects of my life. other than maths, chemistry and canoeing. yea, canoeing. :))